who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
