best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
