So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh�
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
