You just made me feel so damn special
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
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