Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
