i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
