thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
