She announced her abortion via fbk
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
