when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Randomize
