Your dad touched me again.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
