seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
