i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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