Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
