I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
