She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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