If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
