My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
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