Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
