I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
