I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
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