I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
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