So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
