I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
