So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
