I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
