Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
