God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
