he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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