She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
