The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
and you fell through a lawn chair
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
