Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
