peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Randomize
