you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Did I show you my penis last night?
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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