i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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