I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
