Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Randomize
