i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
