so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
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