We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I need to wash the frat house off of me
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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