There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
