In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
