nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
