bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
