just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Randomize
