i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
