Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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