I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
