Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
