I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I didn't notice because vodka
i've created a new STD.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
