Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
