i barfeds in our rink
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
So gin and wine won't be happening again
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
