as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
