i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Pi�atas plus fireworks don't mix well
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
