my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us�
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Drunk is a universal language darling
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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