well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
